How to Live a Double Life

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This article was written by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapeutic experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Master of Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, specializing in working with the LGBTQIA community and clients in recovery or considering recovery from drug and alcohol abuse. This article has been viewed 105,442 times.

Many people feel that one life is not enough. Many try to inject intrigue into their lives by pursuing secret romances or pursuing alternative interests. If you’re hoping to try your hand at the art of living a double life, there are a few steps you can take to keep your second “life” a secret. However, you should always make sure that leading a double life does not put you in danger of hurting others or ending up breaking the law.

1. 

   Calm down. Regardless of what your secondary life entails, don’t discuss anything about it with anyone you don’t want to know. Even if you’ve been winning all year betting on the Wolverines and his boss mentions that he’s betting his opponents on next week’s game, bite your tongue.[1]

   • While it may be tempting to try to discuss aspects of your double life, it’s better to simply not participate.

2. 

   Be more professional at work. You know you shouldn’t bring your personal problems to work. However, if you’re keeping some secrets from your personal life, you may want to go above and beyond to maintain your basic responsibilities at work. Make sure no one at work suspects you’re leading a double life by arriving early, meeting your goals, and maintaining collaborative relationships with colleagues.[2]

   • If your secret life intrudes on your work day, perhaps a call from fellow fur agent Mittens, don’t let the interruption affect your workflow. Go for a walk when you have a free minute and solve any problems that arise outside the office.

3. 

   Be careful when you speak. Thoughts about your second life are likely to come up during conversations in your non-secret life. Don’t externalize these thoughts, even if you think you won’t reveal your secrets. Double-check any statements that are relevant to your double life by asking yourself, “Could this give anything away?”[3]

   • For example, so-and-so mentions that he wants to see such and such a movie this weekend. You’ve seen it before, perhaps during a secret solo mushroom trip or with a romantic partner that you’d rather keep under wraps. Don’t say something like, “You really should do this, it’s great!” They might ask you when you saw it or with whom, forcing you into a situation where you have to lie or admit that you are living another life.

4. 

   Resolve conflicts quickly. One of the quickest ways to get stuck living a double life is to let the conflict from one of your lives spill over into the other. If you are fighting with someone important in one of your lives, try to resolve any sources of discomfort as soon as possible. Because people often act irrationally when upset, allowing conflict to drag on can cause emotions to boil over and other secret lives to come to light.[4]

   • For example, your romantic friend from your second life, the ever-returning Agent Mittens, is upset that you got a little fond of Sterling Silver at the last Meet & Pet. Don’t leave Agent Mittens wondering what to think. Tell them how he feels and how he prefers to interact with others where you spend time together.
   • Simply put, when problems arise, deal with them head on. Unresolved issues are the most likely reason people from your second life will invade your first life and expose your secrets.

1. 

   Maintain different lives on different platforms. You may be interested in a particularly risky type of online content. You know, artistic stuff. Either way, there are plenty of things you can do online that you might want to keep secret. Create a completely separate social media account to manage these interests.[5]

   • For example, don’t say anything about which GuysGoneWild featured guy you think is the most insightful on Facebook, even in a private message to a friend who shares those interests. Instead, he opens a Reddit account where he can find a group with similar interests and keep his thoughts on mustaches, man buns, and hats confined to this domain.
   • For double life online profiles, choose an anonymous username that you don’t use on any other platform.

2. 

   Create a secret-only email address. Create an email account on a host site that is not your other account. For example, don’t just create another Gmail account for ease of use, go old school and set up a Yahoo account. The specific domain doesn’t matter, as long as you only have one account there.[6]

3. 

   Take a look like your life depended on it. Especially after you’ve led a double life on social media, make sure you tune out. Get in the habit of signing out of all your accounts to ensure that you sign out when it really matters. If possible, adjust your account settings to automatically sign you out if you forget to do so.[7]

4. 

   Create two accounts on the same platform. Maybe it’s too tempting to stop using Instagram in both lives. Fortunately, you can create multiple accounts on most social media platforms. You may need to use different email addresses for this, but it can help you keep track of which account you’re logged into.[8]

5. 

   Keep it offline. If possible, keep your double life completely offline. This might actually be the best way to ensure you never get caught living a double life. In short, you can make living a double life a lot easier by doing it entirely in the real world, where it’s much easier to cover your tracks.[9]

1. 

   Recognize that adventures are common. Up to 70% of men and 50% of women have an affair at some point in their marriage. This indicates that the desire for a double life, especially in a romantic sense, is extremely common. However, an affair can be incredibly damaging, not only for your partner, but also for other members of your family and even for yourself.[10]

   • Before you get involved in an affair, think about the possible negative effects it could have on the people you care about.
   • Remember that there are alternatives to having an affair behind your partner’s back.

2. 

   Talk to your partner about an open relationship. Tell your partner that you are interested in having another sexual and/or romantic life outside of your relationship. Admittedly, this can detract from the excitement of having an affair, since part of the attraction is the emotional aspect of doing something you shouldn’t be doing. However, it is disrespectful, manipulative, and harmful to deceive someone. You will probably also regret doing it. To avoid this, tell your partner that you want to live a romantic double life.[11]

   • Say something like, “I’ve been thinking about seeing other people. I care about you and I don’t want to hurt you, but I am often tempted to be with other people. Can we talk about an open relationship?
   • If they are receptive to the idea, be sure to discuss the parameters of what is appropriate versus inappropriate behavior. Once these parameters are established, you can live a romantic double life.
   • The ability to keep the details of your extramarital affairs secret can add to the intrigue. However, her partner is always okay with her having romantic or sexual relationships without her knowledge.

3. 

   Know when to give up. If you find yourself in a situation where you are endangering yourself or others, it may be time to address your behavior. If you are involved in multiple issues without your partner knowing, you need to reset your outlook on life. You can do this yourself, reminding yourself that your actions can affect other people’s lives.[12]

   • If you wake up regretting what you did the night before, think about why you feel bad. This can help you re-evaluate certain behaviors and start trying to find a healthy balance between your interests.
   • If you start to develop a problem with addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or anything else, don’t hesitate to seek help. In particular, there are probably support groups for people who are dealing with what you are struggling with.

4. 

   Go to a psychologist. Psychologists are trained to help you address negative behaviors or emotions before they have dangerous or harmful consequences. People are often reluctant to seek help until forced by circumstances. Prevent any negative behavior by talking to someone who can help you recognize that your behavior is within your control. Even though it seems that your double life has come into being, you have the power to control your future actions.

   • Talk to your doctor about mental health professionals he or she would recommend. Similarly, search the Internet for psychologists in your area who have experience working with people in situations similar to yours.

Categories: How to
Source: newstars.edu.vn